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I know this will offend a lot of people on this site, given that all the "depressed" teenagers with their "oppressive" folks like to write what they consider poetry on their blogs, I'm here to tell you all that poetry sucks. This idea springs from an argument I had last week with my brother and mother (was home visiting the family), and I was rambling on about how poetry wasn't art. First off, I lost the argument. Secondly, I never would have had the argument in the first place. The "X" factor was about half a bottle of wine, which to this day I don't hold very well. Anyways, I believe I was merely trying to illustrate the point that poetry is a lesser art, and is overated as an art.

Now I know what you're thinking. How can one qualify art? I'll answer that one. You can't, really. To an extent, it's subjective. We have to go with "truth by consensus" here, because it's possible to call what Vanilla Ice did "art". It's apparent to most of us why "Ice, Ice, Baby" is no "Satisfaction" or "Layla", but try to explain why. Is it because Vanilla ripped the riff from Queen? Is it because the creation of the tune involved no musical talent whatsoever? Or is it because the lyrics are about as deep as a 4 year-old's understanding of global economics? Regardless of what you believe, there is really no way to "prove" that the song sucks. Despite this, almost any person with a fully funtional intellect will tell you that the car-salesman rap song is the inferior piece of art here, if indeed you want to call it art.

It is with the predisposition that I would like to propose the idea that poetry is complete and utter horseshit when compared to certain other art forms. When you've stood in front of the actual "David" by Michelangelo, or atop Brunellechi's (sp?) Il Duomo, you are utterly dumbstruck by the level of skill, insight, and sheer artistry that was poured into this thing. No level of training could equip anyone to create something like this, it seems more an inborn talent in a lucky few - an artistic genius. Now name for me one piece of poetry that has this effect. There simply isn't one. Poetry lacks the universal appeal of such works due to specific language and grammer barriers. People believe they are "touched" or "moved" by certain poetic verses, but I believe that this has more to do with the expression of typically simple ideas and emotions through often abnormal language structure than with actual "art". People are forced to look at a poem and "define their own meaning", when what they are actually doing is picking up simple ideas hidden in complex phrasing, and thinking that they are seeing something significant.

Hell. It may be too late at night for me to do this. I'm tired, and I know I'm wrong with this argument. I could go on and on, but as it is with all art, there really is no conclusive way to say that poetry sucks. I know that it does though. Objectively. I just can't prove it. Yes, poetry IS art, but so is cooking, and the result of good cooking is far more enjoyable to most people.
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It's been a while since I posted on here. It'll be an even longer while before football season returns, but I'll find a way to survive. Meanwhile it's playoff time in the NBA, so I thought I'd contribute my uneducated opinion, now that it's getting down to the wire.
I've said from the beginning of the playoffs that the Spurs would win it, and it's a pretty safe pick, because they really are the most well-rounded team in the league. I would've liked to see the sixers make it further, but who am I kidding? No way they were getting past the Pistons. The Pistons are playing a mean game right now... I initially had picked the Heat to beat them down, but after last night's performance, I'm not so sure. Looks like the finals will be San Antonio vs. Detroit, I have SA to win it in 6. If I knew a bookie I'd even put money on it. If I had money.

Pretty soon, the basketball season will be over, and we'll be left with nothing but baseball. The most interesting thing to watch in baseball right now is the complete fallout of the big 'roid users. Giambi couldn't hit a beachball, and I'm starting to doubt if Bonds will ever return to the game. I simply don't believe his injury is as serious as it's made out to be, I honestly think he's going to back out of baseball before giving the world a chance to see him struggle without his performance-enhancing drugs. It's good that they're cracking down on baseball's weak drug policy, but it won't help baseballs' ratings any... we tune in to see Barry crack the ball out of the park, not to watch nine innings of gum-chewing and ass slapping.
It's going to be a long summer. In the meantime, here's a picture of a real sport in action.

And yes, that is Owens getting his clock cleaned by Polumalu. Sweet.
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I was listening to the radio the other day in my car, to a local sports-talk show, where they mentioned a recent study that discovered why many children have trouble hitting baseballs thrown to them by their parents. Turns out kids' hitting percentage sky-rocketed when the ball was thrown fast, as it would be in an actual game, as opposed to the typical limp-wristed underhand pass parents favor, for what the adult perceives as making the process easier. Kids' brains apparently register the fast moving object very precisely, and can make damn good hitters with a little practice, but the slower-moving ball is much harder for them to gauge. What does this teach us? Toss those balls with, well, some balls! Finally, scientific evidence that kids should stop being treated like fragile little daisies, and be allowed to get a little bit rough and competitive, like in the old days.

In the last few years there has been a concerted effort by certain groups to remove any physical, competetive sports activity from younger childrens' programs, especially those activities that carry a risk of bodily harm. But this was only the beginning, some groups are trying to push for elimination of team sports or activities from younger kids' schools altogether, as these sports can alienate the weaklings and support the "bully" ideal. Honest to God, they want these kids to sit in what they call "friendship circles", and discuss their thoughts and feelings, and sing happy, non-offensive songs. This way, nobody's feelings get hurt, nobody bruises their knee, and nobody develops any testosterone. I shudder to think of a generation of kids growing up to be good French soldiers.

Solution? Bring back dodgeball, smear the - well, you know, and other hard-nosed, rough-house activities that kids know and love. I'm only 23, and when I was a kid these kinds of sports were peaceful breaks between leaping off buildings, wrestling, and shooting pellet guns at each other. Why has it changed so much in so little time? Look at it this way: kids are tough as nails. Could you, as a grown adult, climb into a garbage can and roll it down a steep hill? You'd end up in the hospital. Kids can do these things, and should be allowed to do these things. Cover them with pillows for too long and they'll never learn how to handle adversity, they'll scream for hours when they stub their toe, and maybe they'll even bring guns to school when they're teenagers.

Just a thought.
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What a funny world we live in. Nowadays all it takes to get rich is to trip on the sidewalk in front of someone's house, pour hot coffee in your lap, or eat/drink/smoke yourself to death. The great legal system of America, in other words, allows idiots to be rewarded with often millions of dollars for complete acts of stupidity. We all know about the lady who spilled McDonald's coffee on herself coming out of the drivethrough.. apparently the lack of a warning label on the coffee container itself prevented this imbecile from realizing that coffee tends to be hot. Now they're trying to push for "warning: McDonald's food will make a lardass" warning labels.
Examples are countless. Remember Joe Camel? Apparently the questionably shaped face of Joe was teaching kids to smoke cigarettes. That's interesting to me, as a former smoker. What caused me to smoke was the nicotine, the relaxing feeling, and the powerful addiction. Not some stupid dromedary in sunglasses. Alas, Joe is dead, and the tobacco companies have been sued countless times on account of the smokers that kicked the bucket.
Now there are high-paying jobs whose sole purpose is to sugar-coat, sanitize, and cushion every piece of marketing or product that hits the market. Even our cars have lots of ugly stickers with warning labels on them these days, so that we'll know not to rest our noses on the airbag while colliding with other vehicles.
The funniest example of this is the television commercials. How many ads do we see with the "do not attempt" "professional driver on closed course", or "profession stunt person" in subscript at the bottom? Apparently, without these labels, the advertiser is liable for any damage done to people who imitate what they see on TV - say, driving a snowmobile off a cliff, or balancing an oven on your nose.
I think we should simplify things by removing the labels, outlawing the lawsuits, and allow natural selection to take its course. If people end up killing or maiming themselves because they think the guys on "Jackass" are full of great, imitatable ideas, then let them drive their golf carts into lakes and ride their skateboards off the roof. In the end, we'll just be cleaning a few more idiots off the face of the planet, and saving millions of dollars in frivolous lawsuits.
Also, i wouldn't have to worry about that nasty, cracked piece of sidewalk in front of my place.

In other news, I finally got a letter back from the city that I expected to be directions for the written exam for the firefighter position, but it was just a disqualification notice. So no firefighting for me. Oh well. I decided to apply instead for a sales job... not as much fun, but it pays about 4 times as much. We'll see.

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This blog is for entertainment purposes only. The author is not responsible for any content that offends or inspires dangerous behavior. Do not attempt anything you read or see in the content of this blog.

I just installed a program called Keyhole, available from Google. It's almost creepy what this thing can do... it basically allows you to pan around the globe and zoom to street level with satellite images. Absolutely amazing, but you only get a 7day trial before you have to buy it. Check it out.

It's been a while since I graduated college, and I'm still looking for some kind of gainful employment. It can be tough when you get a degree that is essentially useless, and you don't have a clue what it is you want to do with your life. The social work I've been doing is getting old, and it doesn't pay the bills, so I've stuck my neck out and started looking for something completely different, at least until I can figure out the direction I want to head in the long run. I've looked through sales, manufacturing, and the usual list of miserable jobs, as well as the usual list of more fulfilling jobs that I'll never be qualified for. In the end, I handed out resumes to a number of different people... can't even remember who they all are. One of the most interesting opportunities that came up, however, was a job in the civil service. Pittsburgh is recruiting firefighters, so I figured I'd drop in an application with them. I have to take a written test sometime next week, followed by a grueling physical test in a few more weeks, and if I'm one of the few to score highly enough, I'll get a conditional offer of employment, which is basically a pass to a plethora of even more tests, many of which will likely be invasive and uncomfortable. The job doesn't pay too well, the competition is enormous, and my lack of mechanical skill all but rules me out.... but it would be fun! Plus, there are some other benefits as well. While all the guys would see me the same way, the ladies' view of me before and after becoming a firefighter would be something like this:

So I figure it's at least worth a shot. In the meantime I've been running and lifting my ass off, so I'll keep y'all posted on how it goes. Most likely, I'll get one of the other social work jobs I applied for and continue my boring, practical existence. But you never know.
(Also, I look nothing like Napoleon Dynamite, I was simply illustrating a point. I like to consider myself at least a little more attractive than that)
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